Thursday, September 10, 2009

fear


I had the distinct displeasure of visiting the emergency room last Monday. I thought I was having a stroke! Given the intense dosage of hormones that I'm currently on, this was not an irrational assumption on my part. When you start feeling fuzzy and lose half of your vision, you sit up and take notice... or at least I did! Thankfully, I had my awesome partner there to drive me to the hospital and sit there and hold my hand while I cried and generally just freaked out!

Now, for those of you who are trans, you understand implicitly what I'm about to say next... I'm TERRIFIED of going into a hospital!!! As a semi male bodied Transwoman, I don't relish the thought of putting my identity and well being into the hands of other people who have direct access to my medical records. I've heard too many horror stories about trans people being harassed and generally mistreated at the hands of those sworn to 'do no harm'.

Add that not-so-irrational fear the thought that I was having a stroke and I was how we say in the south... 'fit to be tied!' Between visions of being forced to endure sir's, he's and mister so-n-so and the potential of having to cease my hormone regimen, I was freaking!

The point here is that this seemingly unfounded fear of mistreatment was very real to me, and I imagine to countless other trans people who put themselves at the mercy of medical practitioners. It's no wonder that there's a real problem with transpeople not seeking or receiving proper regular medical care outside of our hormone regimins (for those of us who are on hormones that is).

The silver lining to the cloud is that this trend is changing. I believe the days when Les Feinberg was turned away from being treated for a sever infection, simply because of his gender presentation, are gradually drifting off into the past. With the advent of new tools like the Heathcare Equality Index, we can all arm ourselves with the knowledge of what hospital systems will treat us with fairness and equinimity.

As for me... my trip was great (if extreemly uncomfortable). My fears turned out to be unfounded in this case. I was treated quite well, and no-one missed a ma'am or miss. My 'stroke' turned out to be a severe migraine (ooooh fun!) ;) ... and I went home with my wonderful partner and a perscription for vicadin ;) LOL